It’s 11am and my baby is finally asleep.

So Laelia has decided that she will not sleep at night. She cried from around 1am to around 6am. Of course she probably was still crying after that,  but that was when Charley’s shift with baby started and he took her downstairs.

After making sure several times that she was warm, fed, changed and as comfortable as possible, I finally just gave up, put her on the bed next to me, and cried with her. I have this terrible feeling that this has nothing whatsoever to do with her diagnosis and everything to do with upset/colicy baby. I think she finally just falls asleep from exhaustion.

I got mad at her for the first time in my life last night. It was a scary feeling. I had to put her down with Charley and walk away. Not that I would  shake her or something, but I didn’t want her to react to my mood. I know babies can sense parents’ moods sometimes. I didn’t sleep the night before and was already tired. Charley offered to deal with Laelie around 2am, but he was falling over from lack of sleep and we didn’t trust him to carry her around. If I knew that everything we suffered last night was due to her casts, we would have soaked them off immediately. But there’s no way to know. She’s asleep now with tears streaking her face. She has not slept more than two and a half hours at a time (and that’s the record) for a long time. She also demands food every  hour during the night.  Now that Charley and I are on shifts with her and she’s taking bottles better, we can finally handle this better. Last night was hard just because life has been busier and we weren’t able to sleep.

I’m really upset about my cousin Nathan. After his parents  left last night I was able to cry a little. I’m not breaking down yet because there’s still this huge hope that it will all go away. I had the same feeling after they diagnosed Laelia. I just kept thinking it could still be a mistake. I thought the same thing when mom died for that matter. (Maybe they mistook her for someone else.) My Psychology degree is screaming DENIAL at me, but this helps me cope.

Charilyn brought Laelie bug some clothes. She is adapting them to fit around her casts. Hopefully other people can help with this too.

I’m getting a lot of stories about how Nathan and Josh were when it came to feeding times. I guess some of this runs in the family. I wonder how bad I was. I take solace in the fact that someday Laelie’s kid will drive her crazy. :)

I hate sleeping!

One Response to “It’s 11am and my baby is finally asleep.”

  1. amanda says:

    my friend has a baby just a little older than laelia, and she just said to me the other day that she now totally understands shaken baby syndrom…not that she’d ever do it…ever… but sometimes it just gets so frustrating and all you can do is put them down. take heart that it might not be anything you’re doing or not doing, but just that she’s got some pent up energy, when there little and not moving there’s no other way for them to get rid of it. i hope you can at least get a nap in in the afternoons. :)

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