Okay this will make you laugh… unless you’re Charley, in which case you still want to strangle me. :)

My story begins at the innocent hour of 2am. I had trouble sleeping because I felt really nauseated. I walked downstairs to get some water and almost fell on my face. Then I couldn’t make it back in bed and ended up falling asleep on the floor in Laelie’s room. 20 minutes after that, I knew something was wrong. The room was spinning, and I had a huge headache. My body felt like the blood had drained from it, and it was hard to get my legs under me. That’s when I started to panic, and this story gets not-so-fun for my family. :)

I was convinced it was carbon monoxide poisoning because I’d read about it and the symptoms seemed to match. So I knew I had to take my family outside before THEY ALL DIED!!! Or so goes the sleepy mind of a crazy woman. So grabbing my sleeping baby, I ran downstairs. It was getting worse by then, and I was falling over sideways. I got her to the floor gently before putting my head between my knees. (I say it’s justified payback for all those times she woke me up.) She was so floppy and blurry-eyed, it was adorable. I wrenched open the sliding glass  door, in spite of her  protests,  and stuck her in the breeze.

Then it hit me.

I’d left Charley upstairs to die alone, and I was getting too weak to rescue him! So I stumbled up the stairs feeling like I was going to throw up. I fell on the bed, grabbed his hand and dragged him, downstairs while assuring him that everything was going to be okay. I was totally panicked! He was so disoriented that I projected what I was feeling onto him and told him, with some heroic measure of calm, that what he was experiencing was signs of carbon monoxide poisoning. After taking several minutes to fully wake up, Charley began, in vain, to try and convince me that he was fine, and could he please just go to bed now? I couldn’t let him go back upstairs! There was no oxygen up there! Just the thought of it made my head spin. I told him he was just loopy from the carbon monoxide and to stay near the window. Not to worry, I had everything under control.

Long story short, Charley was up for  two hours calling 24-hour stores for carbon monoxide detectors and then drove out to get one. Then he was up another half an hour watching the detector upstairs read “0″ while silently cursing me. Of course while he was upstairs checking the monoxide levels, I had thought he passed out up there (because I very nearly passed out several times waiting for him), and I started to panic all over again. Then the detector’s alarm went off and I nearly lost it. Gun shots would have been more welcomed. It turned out Charley had the batteries upside-down and the machine didn’t like that.

This whole time my little baby is trying to sleep, but I keep thinking she’s stopped breathing so I wake her up by sticking my face near her face. And the whole time the room is spinning!

I didn’t sleep well that night. I was downstairs on the floor with baby next to the open window. The carbon monoxide detector had been reading “0 parts per whatever” for too long to make Charley stay downstairs.  It got so bad I couldn’t lift my head, and did I hear baby stop breathing again? Better check.  

It turned out that I  had vertigo.  So my whole family wasn’t dying from an  oxygen deficiency. See, funny right? I guess it got less funny the longer Charley was at work the next day. Being the upstanding guy that he is, he swallowed his “scathing invectives” (my term for what he was thinking not his :)), re-mustered his verve and held Laelie up to me  saying  in a baby-voice, “Mommy, next time you go crazy can you  imagine we all have a cookie deficiency?”

2 Responses to “Vertigo”

  1. Shari says:

    Your baby girl is beautiful and I love her name! I was directed to your site from another friend’s site. I am amazed at your little one. She is tough. The vertigo thing is scarey. I have been there. Hang in and have a wonderful rest of the week.

  2. Beth says:

    Oh that was SO funny! Like you said, I’m sure Charley thought it was less than hilarious when he was falling asleep at his computer, but….that was a great story. :)

    I understand your fear about the carbon monoxide thing though. My sister had been told by a teacher in high school about the dangers of sleeping in basements (which is where our rooms were) and then she slept on the couch until she moved out. lol But the really interesting thing was, my mom finally broke down and got the carbon level detectors or whatever and the levels in our basement WERE rather high. Thank God for technology so we aren’t all running around like chickens with our heads cut off, eh? :)

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