faith healing (because again?! people!)

Trigger warning: Sarcasm, faith healing, more sarcasm

*ahem*

There’s a reason we don’t pray for someone’s amputated leg to regrow. Even those with the gift of healing usually draw the line there. I have never seen a group of amputees line up outside a faith healing tent and come out with arms and legs. I’ve known three faith healers (family friend, friend of friend, family member) and all three have never even offered to regrow people’s limbs. (Rude!) We humans reason (correctly) that there’s a natural order to things. Could God regrow limbs? Sure. So why don’t we regrow them through faith? Because we are not lizards (yet).

So why do people insist that God can regrow my daughter’s muscles that she literally does not have? Literally! The anterior horn cells in lots of places were disrupted during fetal development and those body parts did. not. form. And (I’m sad I have to even make this point *sigh*) that fact does not change just because you can’t see it!! (Science!)

If I was born without a liver or foot or brain could prayer create one out of thin air for me? Does God bend the laws of physics in that way any other time? (Imagine playing Monopoly and then the creator of Monopoly is all, “Randomly all properties will now be used as tarot cards. Oh you have Park Place? That means you’ll be unlucky in love. But hey you’re winning! How? No clue!”) Because that’s what you’re saying. Just realize that. That right there. You’re saying that!

If you pray, pray normal things. (Talking to unfathomable cosmic creator of all things with your mind = normal!) Okay, like I pray she works hard in physical therapy and that her goals are worked toward with patience and with grace. I pray she learns how to navigate the world with the incredible body she does have! (Because she’s different, not tragic.) I pray for wisdom for us as we make medical decisions on her behalf. I pray for technology to catch up to need. (But I’ve given up on insurance catching up to need a long time ago.) I pray for her to have this light that shines in the dark spots of our culture. I pray she grows up to help the poor and fight injustice. And today I prayed for the poor unaware bully who got her lip! (Note to bullies, don’t call my daughter “bossy.” It somehow gives her cosmic authority to take charge of the correction of your mistake, known to you as “bossing you more.”)

Heck I can’t tell you what to pray, go nuts! Pray she grows wings! Because wings!!!!

Just, I don’t know, please see arthrogryposis logically and don’t get stinking mad at us or God when the laws of physics don’t go topsy turvy at your prayer missives. My kids will do amazing things and “prove doctors wrong” but it will likely happen within the realm of reality and follow the rules of the universe.

PS: My son is also missing muscle, but not as notably so he has received considerably less offers of miraculous healings. Don’t worry, he’s not feeling left out. Unless you start offering my family faith healings *and* cookies. Which is only polite.

PPS: But but but! What about Jesus and the dude’s ear or part of St. Augustine’s leg or stories like that? Most faith traditions have miracles or healings that held some purpose. I think we could *at least* agree these are exceptions to the rule.  And I am referring to modern, has-access-to-Internet faith healers in this post.

PPPS: Chocolate chip cookies with chunks of brownies in them. No store bought crap.

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